mia's blog (aka the yapping zone)

The forbidden devil.

MacOS, mr evil scarys. Tim apple has control of your whole computer. But I don't think its that bad. Honestly, windows is so much worse.

Ok, with that weird intro out of the way, I recently switched to using a macbook. I will make another post on my framework journey, I still love their product, but apple simply out-does them… and I feel terrible saying that. Anyways, I started off with an intel-based 13 inch Macbook Pro, running an i7, 32gb of ram and 1tb of an ssd, for a fairly good price, I paid 320£ for it in "rough" condition with mostly a cracked bezel, but the immediate improvements I felt to my workflow and overall usage meant I had to go all in. I got what the buzz was about.

So, I decided that a "new" computer wouldn't be such a bad purchase, and I went all in. I bought a almost maxxed out m1 max 14 inch macbook pro for around £1000. Now, for £1000, MANY other macos options exist. But let me justify why my decision was the best at this point. First off, my macbook has 64gb of ram. It would take 2 days for me to realise how amazing apple silicon handles local llms, and the extra 32gb of ram is perfect for a chronic multitasker such as myself, plus I don't want to be limited in the future. Also, the macbook has a 1tb ssd, which I have almost used up. Sadly, this model is the 24 core gpu model and not the 32core model, which would have been even better, but those models went for 1.5x the price on ebay, and I did not see that to be worth it. Plus, with m1 max I still get the amazing battery life and efficiency of apple silicon, which is what I was looking for. Could I have gotten a m2/m3 pro 14 inch pro machine, yes. But was that the best option? No… Unless you have a better idea, in which case please email me, I would love to know what I have done wrong.

So, specs established. M1 Max, 24gpu cores, 10cpu cores, 64gb of insanely fast ram, 1tb of super expensive memory and basically the best 14 inch panel on the market, combined with an excellent keyboard and solid ports. You have a recipe for success, and I don't see how a laptop can beat the 14 inch macbook pro for my needs. My next laptop will also be a newer 14 inch macbook pro, because it's the perfect size, performance, I have literally no complaints. Well, except for a few.

Because with macos, you get the "it just works," but with arm you get the middle finger from apple sometimes. Want to run basically any game… What the fuck are you, some hobo??? Go buy the adobe suite and idk make money or some shit. If it doesn't work on crossover, which btw is one of my favourite softwares of all times, you basically just cant get it running. And that's fine, I can make some compromises, but when you have the best laptop on the market, it feels bad to make compromises. But I do, so that's ok ig.

See, macos is a special os. It "just works," but you can also fuck with it without breaking the whole os. Linux, I messed with the desktop environment once, and now I don't have a working battery indicator, and I have to use powertop to monitor available battery. MacOS, it kinda just works. I cant complain. And this is coming from someone who likes to mess with tech, yes its fun but when my main laptop is dead because windows modern standby decided to exist, im not really left with many choices. So, tim cook it is (yippee).

By the way, I use a pixel daily. And I feel no incentive to move to an iphone. Don't get me wrong, I loved using an iphone, but you couldn't mess with it. The macbook, feels mine. The iphone felt like tims… and I don't want my phone to feel like tim apples phone. That's not why I buy a phone. However, the continuity between airpods has been really cool, except that I don't ever use it. What I like about macos is that all these features exist, sidecar, icloud integration, but nowhere do you have to use them, unlike another big desktop os.

Ok, so what apps do you like mia?? See, this one is hard. Currently, my favourite app by fair is stats, I can control fans, shows all this cool info, really handy to keep an eye on battery. Other than that, I love crossover, makes a few steam games work, doesn't allow most of the library to work, but feels better to have some freedom. Other than those, I just use firefox, cursor and the Microsoft office and adobe suites. I don't really do much on my computer. And that's why I switched to a Chromebook for a bit, but realised the one I tried to switch too was really not the right idea (story for a different day)

Should I get a macbook? YES YES YES BUY A MACBOOK ITS GREAT!!! But seriously, best LAPTOP os I have ever used. And battery life is beyond impressive, even on a now 4 year old machine. Some things you will just have to deal with, but for everything else it works, and that's why I love this computer so much!!!

The Website

Yeah, this is a blog about the website you're reading this on. I know it's unoriginal, but I don't have much else to talk about at the moment, so bear with me for a while.

Choosing the Domain

When setting up this website, I originally intended to buy the domain miatech.ai, but that domain was parked with GoDaddy, and their brokerage fee was way too high for a small website. However, miate.ch turned out to be a great find! It uses the country code for Switzerland, which is pretty cool because I think Switzerland is awesome.

Domain Registrars

I shopped around for domain registrars, and most of the major ones had miate.ch, as I hoped. I went with the cheapest option, Ionos. However, the low price was deceptive. When I tried to self-host the domain, I discovered the only ways to host anything were through their providers, which were too expensive. That's why this website redirects to a Neocities site (which I do pay for).

The Switch to Route 53

After realizing that Ionos, my previous provider, was not professional enough and would not satisfy my needs, I made the switch to AWS. I know that it's a small thing in the grand scheme of things, but I wanted it to show as miate.ch instead of neocities.miatech.org (which is still up with a really old version of this site btw). So I took my domain to Route 53, which for some reason charges me 50 cents a month, but I will take the hit to my bank account to make this look professional.

Migrating to AWS

November 12, 2023

The Switch to Route 53

After realizing that Ionos, my previous provider, was not professional enough and would not satisfy my needs, I made the switch to AWS. I know that it's a small thing in the grand scheme of things, but I wanted it to show as miate.ch instead of neocities.miatech.org (which is still up btw). So I took my domain to Route 53, which for some reason charges me 50 cents a month, but I will take the hit to my bank account to make this look professional.

Migration Challenges

The process of porting my website was fairly easy, but what was a bit harder was actually getting my website running. As of making this blog, on the 12th of Nov (which happens to be my birthday), the way I set up AWS Amplify really screws me over. When I initially set up the main branch, I didn't consider that GitHub integration could be a great route to go down, so I didn't do anything pertaining to that.

Future Plans and Concerns

However, now I want version control and collaborators and a whole host of a content management platform, there is no way to add GitHub integration into my website except for deleting the current branch and starting from scratch. Anyways, I am hopeful that I can sort out pricing, as AWS has a pretty high price to usage ratio after the 12-month trial, so that is something I will need to add.

Updates/What I have done with the website in the last few months

It's been a while hasn't it? But, im back, if you want to see what i've been doing in the meantime, I havent done literally anything so thats fun! But, I thought an update was in order for the status of this wesbite. First off, I just redesigned the site a few days ago, and now im BACK!

Blahaj.land? What's That?

Wierd name right? I thought so too, but after talking to the founder for a while (Thanks Eryn!) they helped me through migration, as my whole website and subdomains are hosted with blahaj.land. However, I still use aws. So, why would I pay for 2 services when I could very easily migrate to a cheaper/easier solution? Mostly, because im lazy, and this website is a never ending pit of money.

AWS? But why?

Now, in no world am I a network engineer at this point. In fact, honnestly I have no clue on how to use 99.99% of AWS. However, that does not prevent me from using thier services for domain hosting/routing and email, and let me explain why. Currently, I contribute 3 Euro a month to blahaj.land. I would donate more, but AWS pricing is absolutley ramming my wallet. So, explain the costs. My Route 53 instace (Domain Hosting) is only 50p a month. Not bad right? I thought so too. But there is one other aspect of my website in which I am still heavily reliant on AWS.

What could possibly be so needed?

Email. That is what is so despeatley needed. And whilst blahaj.land offers services in hosting e-mail with my custom domain, AWS's WorkMail is sadly an excellent product. This product "Just Works" so well I would say it works better than literally every other email client I have tried. AWS understands thier target customer, and gives features that that customer wants. However, that is all at a cost. Up to 5$ a month to be specific. And that really hammers my bank account. While most months I don't get up to using the 5$ a month max limit (for billing,) I consistently spend 2-3$ a month for email. But, its just so easy. So thanks for that AWS WorkMail, for being such a great procduct. I really apreicate the aliases and the IMAP intergration, its helped me to not learn all that crap.

So, What's Next?

Honnestly, not much. This website has always been and will continue to be a passion project. However, I do plan to update this blog more frequently, as idk im not like incredbily not ok in the mind? Keep you're eyes peeled, I have some more blog posts in the workings!

Processing the Idea

First off, this is just my processing, so just some rough ideas. First off, CeX is my best friend for this challenge, as I will be trading in stuff to them. I could squeeze a bit more budget by selling my current computer and other crap on 2nd hand marketplaces such as eBay, but that's too much work.

Motherboard / Base System

This is the main part of the computer. I was using a Fractal Design Ridge, but the case is simply too big. It is one of the biggest SFF cases out there, at around 12.6L. This is the least viable size. Now, doing my research, I could either go for the MinisForum MS-01, which comes with an H series Intel Core i5, i9 (12th gen) or 13th gen i9<. Whilst this is a good option, I would rather make it better, and that's where the Lenovo P/M Tiny Series comes into play. Whilst this was originally a NAS idea, the cost-benefit was not there, and if I get a capable tiny PC, I could convert it.

These tiny Lenovo machines measure in at 1L, so they are perfect, 2L with the power brick.

Whilst doing research, I came across this forum which was really useful: Lenovo ThinkCentre/ThinkStation Tiny Project Reference Thread.

Whilst I could go for the p360/m90q gen 3 for 12th gen Intel, the pricing is way too high. I am settling for a p350; the CPU choice does not matter yet.

Hopefully I get my hands on an i3/i5 model. My intention is to upgrade to an i7 11700T, because a 65w CPU in this chassis does not work well.

RAM

Ram wise, I was thinking 16 or 32GB of SODIMM DDR4 RAM. Whilst I have 32GB of RAM in my Framework motherboard, I could buy another 32GB.

I think 32gb of 3200 mhz of SODIMM DDR4 is the right move.

GPU

This is the hardest bit of this sort of build. Since I am limited to a single slot half-height GPU, the options are very limited. However, it is possible to find a good GPU for this PC even with the constraints mentioned. This Reddit thread (link not provided in original text) basically encapsulates all the options.

With this knowledge, without going on Taobao or getting an insanely overpriced workstation card, the 3050 from YESTON is my best bet. This will be $209 but can be $219 not on "Sale".

Yeston RTX 3050 6GB GDDR6 Gaming Graphics Card

Storage

Storage is a real not-permanent thing. To start the build, I am thinking of re-using my 1tb Crucial P3 for the first while, and eventually add in my 512gb mini sata card instead of the wifi card.

Since it has 2 M.2 slots, I am thinking of getting a 990 Evo for my laptop, and occupy the second M.2 slot with the Crucial P3 (2tb) from my laptop.

PSU

PSU is by far one of the hardest parts of this build. However, it is pretty easy to find a Lenovo OEM replacement PSU, so I am thinking of going for the 230w version, the highest configuration at the time of configuration. A PSU like this should cost me at most $50, but I can go higher if fancy configurations are needed.

More On CPU

The CPU options on this platform are quite wide. I can choose from any socketed 10th or 11th gen Intel Core CPU that has a TDP of 65w or less. This leaves me with a few good choices, but while using a GPU, the general consensus is to use a 35w CPU as it will leave more thermal headroom for the GPU. So, that rules out all non-T series CPUs. While I could go for the i9 11900T, the performance-to-$ ratio is not good enough for me, so the i7 11700T is the perfect option, while having a low TDP.

PRICING

This is the hardest bit of the build. The main variable for this build is the m90q 2nd gen or p350, as they are the most expensive part. This is very close to what I would want to build.

Next, the GPU is pretty consistent at $200. RAM and storage stay at about the same price.

Setting Up / First Impressions

This is going to be my first week using this 10 year old phone. I will try to use it as my only phone for two weeks and give my honnest review of it.

Home Screen with Apps

Gold iPhone 5s Back

Lock Screen

Battery Life

Starting off with battery life, it is really bad. Putting a 1500mAh cell really degrades its performance, as well as having a over 10 year old cell means that the battery life is really bad, but with the size constraints there wasn't much choice to choose from. Overall, the battery life is bad for the modern day and if you have important work on your phone, now you don't. I always cary a portable charger and am constantly aware of battery percentage.

Display

Surprisingly, the first thing I tested was the display. As the case for all of my phones, I cranked the brightness to max, and the brightness on this little monster is crazy. Not at all rivaling my Pixel 9 Pro XL, but surprisng. The display's qualtiy also is pretty good for being 10 years old, but isint the Super AMOLED pannels we are used to in the modern day. However, the 16x9 aspect ratio is a nice change and the display is really well enginered.

Application Support

This phone runs iOS 12 which is really inconvient. This was a major run from iOS 7-12, but iOS 12 is an outdated version of iOS at the end of the day and is terrible for app support. Things such as Gmail or YouTube work, but one big thing that just doesnt work is e-bike apps such as lime or the TFL cycle apps, both do not run, which really impacts my useage because then i have to cary around another phone.

Performance/Chipset

This phone was a very interesting phone when first released. The biggest selling point of the iPhone 5s was its 64bit chipset before any other manufacturer. However, it is still a dual core and overheats a lot in my experience, so even though the techinical strides that were made were immense it wasnt enough to save it from being obselete.

Setting Up / First Impressions

Back when I got this phone in November of 2024, I was so excited to have a phone that wasn't a 4 year old iPhone (although that iPhone 12 Pro Max held up very well). So, that affected my first impressions. Especially the switch from iOS to Android. However, it was honnestly, not a bad change, and my first impressions were very solid, it felt like a mix between the last premuim phones I had used, the iPhone 12 Pro Max and the Pixel 6 Pro.

Display

WOW this display is bright. I know brightness is something we take for granted these days, but seriously I can comftarbly use this phone outside in BROAD DAYLIGHT, I mean just soak that in. I think that changes like this phone reviewers skip over, but the phone is pretty useable outside. Also, 120hz is SO nice, and the way it is implimented in the pixel skin of android has always been in my opionion the smoothest use of high refresh rate displays.

Charging

Now, I know the spec sheet for the Pixel 9 Pro XL says that it can take 45w of charging from *Compatable Chargers.* However, this basically is false. The highest I have been able to charge at is 30w. BUT 30w is still crazy fast charging. Coming from 20w on the iPhone, 30w makes the charging usable. Also, it was so refersing to be able to see how fast I was charging, honnestly AccuBattey is one of the best apps EVER.

Battey Life

The thing absolutley NO tech reviewers get even close to explaining. And honnestly, I am probablly going to do a worse job compared to Mr Linus Sebastian, so everything I say is literally ONLY my opinion. With that out of the way, phone battery optimisation has really taken a steep plateau in terms of actual usetime within the last few years. The change from a iPhone SE2's battery life to a iPhone 12 Pro Max was astonishing, but past that I have not really seen a big difference from my iPhone to the Pixel. However, the Pixel gives more customisation, such as with SaverTuner, another of my favourite apps, which is basically battery saver mode but with a bunch more customsation and personalsation.

Performance

The REAL reason everyone buys a flagship /j. Because honnestly, nobody cares about performance if it doesn't effect the persons' daily phone usage. This is perfectly shown with the Pixel 9 Pro XL. In benchmarks, the Tensor G4 is significantly behind literally the Snapdragon 8 gen 1, a 3 year old chip. However, NOBODY cares. Because, the Tensor G4 handles everything I need it to do, and not once have I cared, even with the tensor G1. Honnestly, its stupid we should be going for effecency, but sadly I cant influence the industry.

Whilst this is a commonly used phrase, with art being an objective medium, we as a society value certain forms of art over others, showing our inherent biases. For example, I would argue that these blog posts are a form of art in themselves, time and effort has gone into writing them, and I am being creative whilst writing these entries. However, our society does not recognise writing as art, unless it holds significant value.

However, most paintings would be considered art. Many drawings fall under the umbrella of "art". Most photographs are seen as art. But when you take one of my favourite artistic mediums, music, bands like System of A Down are seen as noise-makers or entertainers, less so than artists who have thought provoking lyrics on (at the time) current political issues and problems rooted deeply in our society.

Now, you may be asking, why am I talking about this? Why do I care about art. Because I go to school. And at school they grade your "art". And when one person is grading your work, there is a singular beholder with bisaes. This is the definition of art being in the eye of the beholder. And to say the least, it is disappointing when this beholder does not attend to commonly met grading standards, and instead calls my drawings "primitive" and fails me. for multiple semesters in a row. Ok, art rant over. Or is it?

Because an aspect of art that we miss out on is music. Now, I could go on and on about my favourite bands, but that's not what this post is for. Because whilst we call musicians "artists," their form of art is not treated as art. Not in the sense that a Beethoven would be treated as art. Where I really see art being in the eyes (and ears) of the beholder is lyrics. Lyrics in mainstream music are very general and broad, which leaves them up for interpretation. This is more common among popular artists, but a song like "Nookie" by limp bizkit is mostly interpreted as this thrash-y nu-metal hit which is about doing it all for the nookie. However, the song is actually about a breakup and being taken advantage of.

Many songs also do not have a concrete setting, especially in the rock/metal genres. Not many artists are brave enough to paint a picture of where the song takes place. It could very well be "at the center of the earth, in the parking lot"-Jesus of Suburbia, Green Day, or at your house. And that is what I really appreciate about the hard rock and metal subdivide of rock. The lyrics could very well meaning anything. A prime example of this would be Tentative by System of A Down. Whilst the song is about the displacement and the trauma of war, the excerpt "Where you going? To the bottom, Do you hear us? We are rotting, We're going down, in a spiral to the ground" was a line I resonated with, not on a war displacement level, but on a personal level, feeling like my life was spiraling "to the bottom."

Now, this is in stark contrast to photography. Most famous photography has some concrete narrative to it, and is set somewhere. Whether it be landscape photography, where the photography is of the landscape, or travel photography, or extreme sports photography, the narrative is set. It is very hard to interpret a festival that was photographed on a jovial day where everyone was smiling and think that maybe, just maybe that one person in the back that was slightly sadder than the rest of the crowd is like you. Photography has a much smaller personal narrative to it.

However, what art does invoke is emotion. Personally, I think that is the true definition of art. If i show you a picture of Auschwitz and thousands of dead bodies you probably would wince away, and feel some level of disgust. Or, if I showed you Van Gogh's starry night, you would feel intrigued and wondrous, maybe even feel small and insignificant, just as I and many others did.

But art is not just emotion. If it was, we would be watching gore on a daily basis (wait what instagram let that happen?) I think art is also about self-expression. And I think that is an aspect of art that school crushes. Whilst school does allow for some creativity, my art that I create within the school walls do not have a personal narrative behind them. And I really enjoy adding narrative to my art. And that is why I appreciate writing so much, as it is self expression made easy. I would call these blog posts emotion-enducing, especially with what is soon to come, and this blog is literally just my thoughts.

Art is whatever you want it to be, says literally nobody. We as a society have developed this idea that only certain works are classified as art, with the rest being not valuable to society. I just wanted to bring light to this, I just wanted to write about something. Expect more gender identity and mental health posts to come, this was an outlier, but I really enjoyed creating this piece of art.

We all at some point or another will face war. Sadly, our society has not moved past the point of brutal force to prove a point. Whilst I wish that the world could be peaceful and that war would be a thing of the 1900s, sadly it isn't.

Our world is so unstable. Think about what would happen if a simple atomic bomb was launched. We would all be fucked. So basically, what I'm saying is that we put our lives in the hands of people who frankly don't have our best interests at heart. And this is true with a certain leader of a certain government.

I was raised Jewish. And so, with that education I am against the free Gaza movements. But I think that my reasoning is less of "I'm Jewish and my people are right," because that's bullshit, Zionism as a Jew is still Zionism, no land was promised to you by a god 3000 years ago, because sadly that God literally doesn't exist. I'm not here to debate the real-life implementations of religion, but just know my opinion stands in the realm of atheism (and socialism)

But, my issue with "free Palestine" is another sentiment I hear a lot, and a sentiment that I heard quite a lot at a protest I attended. "From shore to sea, Gaza will be free." Now, I understand the Israeli government has not been the kindest to the terrorist organisation occupying that straight of land. And yes, I am calling HAMMAS a terrorist organisation, not by US ruling, but by EU ruling. Because if 26 countries and a whole large chunk of the developed world can agree on an organisation being terroristic in nature, I tend to agree.

Because the phrase "from the shore to sea, Gaza will be free" is a Zionist statement. Except, instead of eradicating the Palestinian people, the phrase literally suggests for the irradiation of Jewish people. Because that's what the phrase is about, this was our land, and we are taking it back.

However, if you are reading and are like "Mia what the fuck!?,", you have to think for yourself. And this includes on current topics. Yes, I recognise that BOTH sides have their faults, but at the end of the day, I also recognise the main reason behind the free Palestine protests, the hostages.

The act of taking hostages is not one I think should be taken lightly. Honestly, I think civilians should be left out of conflict, and so did a bunch of people in 1949. But sadly, we can't learn from our mistakes, or else this wouldn't be happening. However, when taken into a broader context, I have to say that sadly civilian Palestinians have taken the main grunt of the war. And that's really sad, I don't think that people should have to suffer based on a leaders' actions that most people don't agree with.

Because, at a "free Palestine" protest, the main point is to raise awareness for the atrocities happening in that section of the world. And honestly, I'm all for that. There were also some anti-trump sentiments, some anti-stalmer stuff, which is generally agreeable. However, the main crowd was Muslim, and with that traditional Muslim. "Wow mia, how mature, religion profiling now?" I don't mean to profile (which if done and kept to yourself I don't think is the worst thing in the world), but there was a considerable number of women at said protest wearing traditionally constative Muslim headwear. And that's where I find a divide between the supporters and ralliers of pro-Palestinian movements.

Queer people, the demographic that messes everything up. Because within the queer community, I have seen considerable support for Palestine. And that's commendable, I see no way around it, I think that's awesome, and fight for what you think is right. But at said protest, I saw no queer symbolism. And that's interesting, that such a large group that's fighting for equal rights is actively left out of a pretty big protest (it was a few weeks ago please don't doxx me.) And honestly, I was just passing by, but London definitely has trans people who rally, as 2 weeks before said protest (more or less I don't exactly remember) there were demonstrations on literally the same street against the supreme court rulings against transgender women. (Maybe some other day il get into that.)

Anyway, where was I? The tyrannous oligarchs that rule our everyday lives. Because, I am sure that almost nobody in Palestine wants to be subject to the conditions they are living in. And that really sucks. I also recognise that the Israeli government is not helping that at all, which honestly is a dick move, there's no other way to put it. Because there's about 30 people who control what's actually going on for this war, and they couldn't give less of a shit what people in the western or even eastern world for that matter think. Because on one side, you have a western-sanctioned terrorist group, and on the other side you have an old man who doesn't want to go to jail for his fucking outrageous and stupid actions. So, no matter how much you protest, your efforts are almost wasted, even me writing this is stupid, but I recognise that, and I'm mostly writing it to get it off my chest and in writing, not to spread awareness or anything.

Russia Ukraine War

I think this one is pretty simple, and either you agree with the old man with "dicatious" tendencies, or you agree with the other less old dude who like actually does stuff. But sadly, and I hate to say this, people don't talk about the Russia-Ukraine war. It's not rallied for; people aren't outraged about what's happening. And, maybe that's because it feels far from home, but the worst bit of this war is that civilians on both sides are getting bad living conditions.

Because Mr patchy haircut doesn't give a shit. I think that's pretty well established, except that nobody will raise their hand and say it. Because western media needs to stay "unbiased," letting both sides present their stories, and then actively pick sides by literally sending money and troops.

And I think that's where the problem lies. Yes, I think bureaucratises are great, but this war would not be happening if countries stepped up or down. Everyone is trying to tunnel under each other, forming secret alliances, giving aid and sanctioning other countries, condemning people for their actions and crimes all the while committing the same crimes, and the changing political landscape of many western countries at the moment is not helping.

Because these western countries want to seem on top of these "eastern" wars. You can see this exact sentiment with the Trump/JD Vance and Zelinsky meeting and drama beforehand. The nerve to call Zelinsky a dictator at this time, where he is literally leading a country in war, is absurd for a country not helping other countries stop war.

I can't think about this anymore. WE live in a shit world, and dealing with local stuff is hard enough. Just being trans is enough to be literally discriminated against, and that's not a very fun time in the 21st century. And subsequently, I feel like I need to pass, this arbitrary made up bs that the trans community has made up. And sadly, I and many others do it for safety, as it's not a fun world to be "different."

And I guess that's why I'm stuck at this crossroads. This section where I have many options, but each don't feel right. Because honestly, I'm scared. But I know what I have to do to not kill myself. And that's literal. Do I think coming out and presenting differently and all that is going to fix all my problems? NO. Whoever the fuck said that is wrong, and I would like to have a serious word with them. But it will help. I know it will, from prior experience (maybe some other day.)

But I'm not going to pass immediately. In fact, I'm going to look like a dude for a long time. Because nobody passes on their first try. And nobody should have to. But I just want to be "normal," whatever the fuck that may mean.

It's not about the body, which includes boobs, which I think is pretty cool, but it's about the mind. The blocks I'm facing. I'm of the mind that being emo would cool as hell. And something, with enough time I could 100% pull off and look somewhat feminine doing. And that's great. But I have to start somewhere, and I don't want to start, because we don't live in a society that values trans people at all, let alone non-passing somewhat gender non-conforming trans people. Because that's "weird" and "different" and because it's so weird and different it can't be ok and instead you are mentally fucked. But I know I'm not mentally fucked for being trans. Maybe some other shit, but there are few things I'm sure of, and being trans is one of them.

Mia signing off for the night I guess, the more I write it's just going to devolve into being worse and less cohesive and less thought out, and whilst I'm sure some weird people are interested in that sort of work, I don't really want to put that in a thing titled war, because that seems insensitive as fuck?

Linkin Park's Discography

Preface

This document is my own opinion. I like Linkin park, but I will not even pretend to understand every single song's origin. This will also be a very personal document, so don't be a dumbass with the info, there's not much else to say.

Hybrid Theory

Linkin park's debut album. The one that put them on the charts. Coming in at 37 minutes and 52 seconds and spanning 12 tracks, it was an excellent introduction to Linkin Park's ever-changing sound.

Papercut

Papercut is the first introduction to linkin park that most people had. And honestly, I think it is the perfect introduction, with the dynamism between Chester and Mike's verses, and the hard nu-metal direction. Also, papercut details the paranoia and two-sidedness of most people. Whilst extreme paranoia and extreme two-sidedness (bpd) do exist, most people at some point have dealt with emotions of paranoia, even if it was only looking over your back one extra time.

Now, how does Papercut relate to me? Because that's why you are here, isn't it? Honestly, the biggest takeaway for me from papercut is the two-sided lyrics, "the face inside is right beneath the skin." While the level of 2 sidedness is not really accurate to me, the idea of being separate from your true self really emanates through this song, and this disconnect portrayed by that. Probably the reason that paranoia is also portrayed in the same song as a sort of hand-in-hand relationship.

One Step Closer

One step closer. Where do I begin? One of the most prominent singles of hybrid theory, and it really shows. Continuing the heavy energy from papercut, it has one distinct message, which definitely helped in aiding its popularity.

Now, again this song doesn't have many personal implementations. However, the feeling of being "about to break" has been pretty prominent, but not in the way that one step closer describes. Instead, it's more breaking in a quiet way, instead of screaming "SHUT UP WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU", by far the most iconic line in this song.

With You

This is one of my favourite songs from Hybrid Theory. The intro, it's a masterpiece. The way that the records are DJ'd is just amazing. I also have actual memories of this specific song, which helps its ranking within hybrid theory.

" I hit you and you hit me back", an amazing line. Within any relationship, I'm sure most people have had some sort of reaction similar to this, but the way that Linkin Park incorporates it into a song, as if to say that not everything is black and white, is excellent.

System Of A Down's Mezmerize/Hypnotize

Released in early and late 2005, System Of A Down's Hypnotise and Mesmerize are their 4th and 5th studio albums, and the last studio albums produced to date. While being released 6 months apart, they are sister albums, and if listened in order, create one amalgamation of an album, which I would consider one of the best albums of all time.

Mezmerize

Starting in May of 2005, Mezmerize was released. While mezmerize was a step in a different direction, it mostly kept the same themes and sound as their previous hit studio album Toxicity (I know that Steal This Album was different, but it's my writing.) Featuring the single BYOB System Of a Down proved that political pieces could reach the masses, with BYOB reached #4 on the USA's Mainstream Rock and Alternative Rock billboards, a attestment to its strong message and overall vibey-ness. People really liked the song, and it's anti-war sentiment rang throughout the song. "Why Dont Presidents Fight The War?"

While question was the second single off of this album, it never reached the same acclaim that BYOB reached, being System's 4th most streamed song on spotify at the time of writing. Question is also a much more bland song, with no real political themes that I could discect out of it.

So, why do I regard these albums so highly? Is it because I have nothing better to do with my time and don't listen to many albums? Whilst that may be true, the real reason is that the combination of thrash metal and hard rock really blend so well, with lyrics that while at times can be incoherent and stupid, most of the time have deep sentiment, something you do not see much in modern rock and metal, especially lyrics about war, and deep political issues.

Soldier Side - Intro

While this song would later get extended in Hypnotize, the sentiment is the same, with it being an acoustic version of the second half of Soldier Side on Hypnotize. I think that the idea to have a mellow track before the thrash anthem that BYOB is, was a great idea to say the least.

Out of all the lines in this intro, the most significant by far is "People, All Grow Up to die." While this would also get expanded in Hypnotize, the sentiment of war rings through the song. Whilst only measuring at 20 seconds long, it is one of the best "intro" pieces to an album that I have listented to. However, after the gituars wane out, BYOB starts blasting, a real shock if you had the volume up because of the quiet nature of Soldier Side.

BYOB

Where do I start? This song just has so much to it, its hard to start with. So, lets start all the way at the beginning. "YOU!." This feels like Serj himself is adressing me, which is a big wake up. Also, I would argure that its placment in the song also has a deeper meaning. The way I personally interprit it is that the band is calling You to be active, as if activisim doesnt happen by doing nothing. And whilst its an activist's song, its also a song that calls other people to be active, while not making that the whole point of the song.

So what is the point of the song. Is it just talking about "going to the party have a good time." Spoilers, no, of course not, this is a SOAD song, and if there isint a crazy amount of depth to the lyrics, you are listening to it wrong. "WHY DO THEY ALWAYS SEND THE POOR? I think that its a pretty self-explanitory lyric. However, I think its placment is intentional. After the song calls for you to listen, that they're singing to you, they start off with this question. And for most listeners, I dont think that they would have ae good answer to why equality exsists within military recruiting, such as with mandatory serivce not really being mandatory, and how if you are rich you can get away with not getting "sent" to the war.

"Hypocritic and Hypnotic Computers." As always, SOAD never gives actual insight in thier crazy lyricisim. But I think that this specific sentiment has become more and more blaringly in the mainstream. Now, of course I dont think the actual computers are hypocritical (unless you are talking about AI,) but a computer is the work of humans, and more and more our computers and devices have become hypnotic. In my opinion, I would argue that its more of the users of these computers that are "Hypocritic," and how that gets depicted on your side. You see this sentiment constantly within platforms such as Twitter(x), especially with more recency.

"You depend on our protection, Yet you feed us lies from the tablecloth," Crazy idea, but im pretty sure this is in direct relation to the line about the poor fighting wars. A country is as good as its people, and if those people are "fed lies," I don't think its a big surprise that the people doesn't want to protect that regime and way of thinking. Take the recent situation in turkey. While the Turkish regime is more feeding reporters lies, the government is also trying to control the people, and in turn are getting protested against. In turkey you have mandatory military service, and people are just sick of it.

Moving on so that the Turkish Government doesn't assasinate me,

Revenga(the rest is in progress)